To the Sound We Go!
by EeBee-kohai
Summary: Kabuto and Sasuke are going to to the Sound/Otogakure. Parodies Itachi's "You must hate me. Detest Me." speech and the "Dramatic Pauses" that are often included in stories.


In the distant Shinobi lands, two retards, known as Sasuke and Kabuto, were running through the woods.

"Where are you taking me?" Sasuke asked the white-haired man known as Kabuto.

"To the–_dramatic pause_–_Sound_!" Kabuto replied.

"Why did you just say 'dramatic pause'?" Sasuke asked.

"To make sure you knew it was not just a _pause_; it was a _dramatic _pause!" Kabuto replied as if it was the most obvious thing ever.

"You didn't even pause, though. You just said 'dramatic pause'."

"That _was_ the pause."

"No, it wasn't. You didn't even leave a second between your words. It wasn't a pause at all. It was an interruption."

Kabuto thought about this for a moment, "nope. You're wrong. I said 'dramatic _pause_', so it _was_ a pause.

"What? That doesn't change anything! Just because you said it's a pause doesn't mean it _is_."

"That's true, but just because you called it an interruption doesn't mean it is."

Sasuke blinked at the man. Despite how irrational he was being, it actually made sense. To an extent.

"Yeah, but in the terms of… _grammar_, it is an interruption."

"In the terms of grammar, half of this story sucks," Kabuto shrugged.

"Hey! Don't say that about EeBee-kohai's story! That's disrespectful!" Sasuke defended.

"Oh, shut up, Sasuke! I control what you _both_ say, and I wanted him to disrespect me. So get over it," EeBee-kohai said.

"Why did you want to disrespect yourself?" Sasuke asked.

"Shut up, Sasuke! I would think you'd understand by now that I just like to piss you off. Whatever you think, I think opposite. Just get on with the story!" EeBee-kohai exclaimed.

"Fine, fine!" Sasuke grumbled. "Anyway, where were we, Kabuto?"

"We were making out," he replied.

"OK." Sasuke leaned in toward Kabuto, but before this story could have a high rating, the author stepped in.

"Hang on a moment, guys! That's just wrong! First, Sasuke, you're a creep. Second, Kabuto, don't you love Orochimaru?"

Kabuto nodded.

"Also, Sasuke, don't you have a one-sided love for Naruto going on?"

"Hey! He loves me back! He just won't admit it! That's why I'm playing hard-to-get!"

"Get over it, Sasuke! He doesn't love you! He just considers you his best friend. Gosh! I _hate_ you, Sasuke!" EeBee-kohai beat Sasuke up with a cinder block.

"Oh Kami! It hurts! The blood! Oh God!" Sasuke screeched.

"Hey, Kabuto, don't you need to get back to Orochimaru soon?" EeBee-kohai asked.

"Yes," Kabuto answered sadly. "I wish he'd love me back."

"He does. He's just playing hard-to-get. What is _with_ people and playing hard-to-get?" EeBee-kohai exclaimed.

"I don't know, but you might need to get back to writing this story before it gets out of hand," Kabuto suggested.

"My skull is cracked! I'm sure of it! And I keep seeing pink dinosaurs! I _HATE_ dinosaurs!" Sasuke screeched.

"Come on, Sasuke!" Kabuto said happily. "We have to make it to Otogakure by tonight!"

"Oh God! A tree is falling toward me and I can't move!"

_BAM!_

"Sasuke, come on!" Kabuto exclaimed.

Kabuto looked around and saw a pile of red.

"Sasuke, where are you?" Kabuto shouted. He shrugged when he couldn't find the chicken-butt haired boy.

"Imofferrrherrr," someone mumbled.

Kabuto glanced around. "Who's there?"

"ERGG!" Sasuke pushed the tree off him with his one arm that was still intact. "Me, you idiot!" he glanced around, clearly alarmed. "Get away from me!" he slashed at the air. "Now you're dead, dino!"

"…Dino…?" Kabuto asked.

"Kabuto! Behind you!" Sasuke exclaimed, eyes wide.

Kabuto glanced behind him and found nothing. A Kunai whizzed past his head.

"Hehe! Mwahahaha! MWAHAHAHA! NOW THEY'RE ALL DEAD! NO MORE DINOSAURS SHALL EXIST! MWAHAHAHA!" Sasuke hopped around, activating his brand new Mangekyō Sharingan. "Mangekyō Sharingan! Tsukuyomi!"

An evil squirrel started drooling and twitching on the ground. _'Now I won't be able to complete my evil plan of world domination!'_ was its last thought before it died.

"Heal me, Kabuto!" Sasuke demanded.

Kabuto picked up the squirrel. "Squirrelly! I'm so sorry! Boohoo!" he buried the squirrel and made a gravestone out of a flat rock.

"Oh my God! I can't feel my left side!" Sasuke screeched.

"Squirrelly, you lived a long and happy life…until Uchiha Sasuke killed you. Why? Sasuke, why?" Kabuto exclaimed.

"Foolish Kabuto, MANGEKYŌ SHARINGAN!" Sasuke screeched, his arms still only partially intact.

"AAAHHHHHHHH!" Kabuto screamed as Sasuke showed him the death of the squirrelly over and over. "Ahhh! Stop! Sasuke! Don't show me this! Why? Why did you…?" In the Tsukuyomi, Sasuke hacked apart Squirrelly again. "AHHHHHHHH!"

Sasuke deactivated his Sharingan. Kabuto drooled.

"Why?" Kabuto asked Sasuke breathlessly. "Why did you…?"

"So I could measure my 'container'," Sasuke replied calmly.

"So that you could measure your container?" Kabuto repeated. "Just for that? Just for that, you killed an innocent squirrel?"

Sasuke closed his eyes. "It was necessary."

"What the hell is that?" Kabuto asked. "Don't screw around!" he screamed as he ran toward Sasuke.

"What does that even mean?" Sasuke punched Kabuto in the stomach and Kabuto drooled.

Kabuto cried. "WAHHHH!" '_I'm scared. I'm scared!_' "AAHHHH!" Kabuto ran out of the clearing. Sasuke stared calmly after him.

Kabuto ran through the forest. "Don't kill me!" Sasuke appeared in front of him from out of the shadows. Kabuto gasped for air. "This can't be true! You're not my brother! Because…"

"No kidding. I'm Orochimaru's subordinate," Sasuke corrected. "The reason I continued to act as the comrade you desired was because I wanted to verify your 'container'.

Kabuto gasped and drooled again.

"You will become my opponent, as the one who will confirm my 'container'. You carry that potential. You detested me and held a grudge against me."

"Sasuke, I think you're getting a lit–"

"You continuously wished to surpass me. That's why I will let you live, for me. You are like me, one who is capable of awakening the Mangekyo Sharingan within. However, there is a special condition…"

Kabuto's hair ruffled in the wind as tears rolled down his face.

"Your closest friend… you must… kill him! Mwahahaha!"

The wind blew fiercely around Kabuto.

"No way…" Kabuto said disbelievingly.

"Just as I did," Sasuke said darkly.

"Wait, I thought Itachi gave you his Mangekyo…"

Sasuke ignored that.

"That was… you?" Kabuto asked. "You killed Shisui-san?"

"Wait, wait!" EeBee-kohai exclaimed. "_Itachi_ killed Shisui and Sasuke got his Mangekyō from Itachi when he died. Poor, poor Itachi."

"EeBee-kohai! It's the script. It doesn't matter if it doesn't make sense!" Sasuke grumbled.

"You know what doesn't make sense?" EeBee-kohai asked evilly. "Your chicken-butt hair."

"Hey! It is–"

"And… ACTION!"

"That's right." Sasuke replied to Kabuto. "Thanks to that, I obtained these eyes. In the main building of the Nakano Temple, in the right corner to the rear of the room, under the seventh Tatami mat–"

"Should I be writing this down?" Kabuto asked.

"I have it written down for you. Wait until we're done," Sasuke said impatiently. "As I was saying, under the seventh Tatami mat, there lies the clan's Commentary Scroll."

"But I'm not in your clan."

"Shut up and let me finish, Kabuto," Sasuke commanded. "Within its writing, the original purpose of the Uchiha Clan's dōjutsu is explained, as is its true secret."

'_Its true secret?_' Kabuto thought.

"If you awaken it, there will be three, including me, who have ever used the Mangekyō Sharingan."

"I don't even have _normal_ Sharingan."

"What kind of Uchiha are you?" Sasuke exclaimed.

"I'm not an Uchiha…"

"Whatever. As I was saying, again, if that can happen, there is meaning in letting you live. But as you are now…" Sasuke glared _shuriken_ at Kabuto. "You aren't even worth killing. Foolish Kabuto. If you want to kill me, then blame me. Hate me. And live on in shame. Run and run… Cling desperately to life. Then, one day, come before me with the same eyes I bear now!"

"I don't even think that's possible. Other than Madara, who is way too strong, you are the only other person with the Sharingan. Well, and Kakashi, since he has Mangekyō now, too. He sure loves his Sharingan."

"Idiot! Shut up! Where was I? Oh, yeah. Come before me with the same eyes I bear now!" Sasuke activated his Mangekyō Sharingan and Kabuto fell to the ground. Sasuke walked away.

"Wow, Sasuke! That was a cool show!" Kabuto shouted as he trailed behind the chick-butt haired boy– man.

"Foolish Kabuto! Have you gotten stronger?" Sasuke poked Kabuto's forehead.

"NO! NOT THE POKE! OH KAMI! ANYTHING _BUT_ THE POKE!" Kabuto screamed as he ran away for his life.

Sasuke shrugged.

Kabuto found a clearing a few miles away and had curled into a ball and started biting his toes.

Sasuke was where he had been earlier, slashing at the air. "No dinos will survive!"


End file.
